Dead to your ways

I look at what my life is now
grey surfaces that I can't pierce
I used to drill them full of holes
and my joy and pain were fierce
now I can't come up for air
without being pushed and shoved
into self-pity, self-defense
way beyond the bounds of love
  
         you ask me how I feel today
         and all I've got to say
         is that I'm dead to your ways

I think of how things used to be
the past seems always painted bright
in colours dancing tho' they fit
into a picture full of light
I cannot say if that's exact
I cannot gauge the truths of yore
all seems to slip right from my hands
while I feel there should be more

       refr.

             I remember drowning in your eyes
             deep and starry like the Afghan skies
             but can't recall your face exactly
             only the way you matter-of-factly
             told me to go while I cried NO


1988.